The Underdog

Although I love a challenge, I know the odds are heavily against me. What sucks is that the biases are so deeply rooted in the current leadership right now and the two people who I know are going to apply have unfair advantages over me. They have laid down the foundation to this up-and-coming organization and have clearly defined it with their own vision and personalities. If one of them does not get it, it would really be seen as a catastrophe. I want it so bad and I have yet to tell people (it reminds me of when I ran for chair last year).

Or do I really want it that bad?

When I look at it, when am I really going to get away from this space? I've been super glued to this space and I can't get myself to leave. I had originally told myself that I will finish my internship in the summer and if I do not find anything engineering work here in SD, I'm going to move back home to LA. But now here I am wanting to apply so bad to this position. Maybe it's the chase that I'm after. Maybe it's the chance to really say what I've been urging myself to say since fall quarter. Maybe it's because I know I'll miss this place and I don't want to leave...ever.

But I know comfort will lead to my own demise. I need to challenge myself and explore another chapter of my life. I've been talking about how I want to move to new place and meet new people and broaden my horizons of life. I'm stuck here with the same conflict I was walking back and forth with in my head last year when I wanted to run for chair. And I'll admit, I wouldn't take back the experience because this has been an amazing year. I feel more accomplished than I thought I would be. But is it time to take the alternate route?

Well, I'll find out soon enough.