KP Families

DISCLAIMER: I know this might be controversial and I am dreading the aftermath, but I feel that I need to put this out. Please understand that I only have good intentions and I am not out to offend or attack anyone. Also, this is by no means a way to overstep the current authority but a mere expression of my feelings in regards to the title issue. I hope to only to inspire dialogue and move this community forward.

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Many of my adings in KP have indirectly and directly taken flack for their participation in this competitive and exclusive concept called families. But if anyone should take flack for that in my family, that is me and that is why I am writing this. And while I am no longer in position of influence (i.e. board), I feel it is in my power to offer my perspective being the “co-founder” of one of the largest families in KP today and discuss where I want to see my family to go from here.

First of all, where do I stand? I will forever stand against exclusivity. Period. One of my biggest strifes with KP is the idea of cool versus uncool, extroverted versus introverted, in versus out. For example, why does it matter which ading you get in the KP STAR program? How dare someone not reach out to their ading on the grounds that they don’t seem cool enough or they don’t seem to be the perfect match. No one should have the authority to judge who should be in or out of KP.

But you might say, well you created a family which is inherently exclusive. Let me give you some background then. When I came into KP, there was one undeniably visible family and I hated it because it made me feel uncool. Funny, the person who has one of the biggest families used to hate families when he came in. Anyway, when I got my first adings. It was me, Carlo, Gian Carlo, Elgene, and Aubrey. We didn’t have a name but Carlo and I made it an effort to make sure we hung out with them and made them feel comfortable in KP. Next thing you know, we all get a new group of adings and it felt like a lot: 11. And being on board it was hard to hang out with all of them, so we regularly had family hangouts so that I could keep in touch with them as well as a way for the new kuyas and ates to maintain their bonds. Next thing I know, there are 38. What originally was a method of convenient outreaching to all the new people became what is now being considered an exclusive group of people.

I guess you can say it was not my intention to construct exclusivity but rather community. But what’s ironic is that this concept of families does exactly both: exclusivity and community. And as aforementioned, I will not stand for exclusivity. Therefore, I do not support the continued sense of families as they have been conditioned to be today. While I believe that families help build community, there is a multitude of ways of doing so and it will only require creativity.

As I have argued above, others will reiterate the same argument that families have fostered many more relationships outside of the single kuya-ading or ate-ading pair. But we can argue that there are many people who never even got the chance to form a single relationship for their feeling of being an outsider. I’ll admit that I outreached more extensively to my adings because they had the title. But if we continue to have this mentality that members of KP need a title for kuyas and ates to outreach to them, then our outreach to these adings are more selfish than anything as it addresses who we choose to befriend rather than the bigger picture of fostering a community that is welcoming and inclusive to all individuals, regardless of background or identity.

However, I do believe that it is natural that adings will call whoever they want kuya and ate, as vice versa. Moreover, I feel it is natural for people to honor lineage (the concept of grandkuya, grandate, and grandading and so forth). For that reason, I see that it would be impossible to purge the concept of families. What we can control, however, is the visibility of families, the coordination of exclusive family events, family gift giving, family pictures at events, among other things. And this is what I have proposed to my own family, as this was the pertinent issue at the dinner table of the last family outing. We all have come to the agreement that we do not favor exclusivity and that we must be wary of how our actions affect others in the community.

I don’t believe disbanding of families is the solution, at least not right now. What I do believe in is education and understanding. We must remember where everything started, and that is with purpose. We must constantly question whether we are fulfilling the purpose of the programs and communities we are serving and adjust accordingly when we run off course. And this starts with those who have been here, the kuyas and ates. Constructive dialogue will only move us forward. I have done what I believe is the best direction for my family, and I hope other kuyas and ates can follow their beliefs and do what they see is aligned with the purpose of KP STAR and KP as a whole.

Lastly, I urge people to stop pointing fingers at people but rather at issues. It hurts me to see that a select few people in my family are suffering the persecution of an issue that was not in their full control. On top of that, I do not believe anyone else in other families should suffer the same persecution. There is no one person who is solely responsible for the family issue; rather it is the reinforcement of ideals over the last 5 years on behalf of a multitude of people. I acknowledge that this is, and will always be, a personal issue but I hope that we can look at where the issues can be addressed and move forward together.

Aftermath

I hate my expectations. Towering like a skyscraper but apocalyptic in undersized disasters. Maybe that’s why I’ve learned to detach myself, making it easier to deal with disappointment. Maybe that’s why I’ve learned to depend on myself, feeling like only I can get the job done with my expectations. But sometimes I can’t do either. And then I explode.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADING MIKO

She asked me to do it =D

My Wishlist

I just wanted to start this off already since there are so many things I want even though I don't need it:

Baller list:
Blackberry Storm
Northstar and Sierra season pass
Snowboard jacket and pants
TV surround sound system
Car sound system
Replace car fender
Replace car bumper
Car paint job

Grounded list:
Dress socks
Dress shirts
Sweater vests
Ties
Scarves
Winter headgear
Mittens
Wine Rack
Coffee table
Spice rack
Bed sheets and duvet (queen-sized)



I'll keep updating this as things start coming to my head.

It's my blog and I'll be irrational if I want to

I haven’t been this angry in a while. And part of me knows why I am mad. Another part says I’m being irrational. But I don’t care, I want to be.

Don’t affirm or agree with me just to make me happy.
Don’t think that alcohol is reason to disrespect me.
Don’t act like you care. Your lack of initiative is contradictory.
Don’t give me shit for thinking for myself and not doing what everyone else wants me to do.
Don’t expect me to be the same just because you’re stuck in the past.
Don’t try to talk shit behind my back until you realize I’m actually not there. And don’t make it worse by not owning up to it.
Don’t assume I am naïve to see who you really are. Your gestures are as subtle as an atomic bomb.
Don’t believe that one or two favors will compensate for being, for lack of a better word, an asshole.

By the way, this is not about just one person, which is the reason I’m glad I’m back in the bay, kind of.

I’ll Be Alright Without You

How fitting that this song, which started to play as I started to blog, so uncannily relates to what I want to write about.

Anyway, it all started with a simple pop up box at work. Oh, the ways technology seems to be dominating our lives. One of my dearest friends began with what seemed more like an avalanche of reminiscence in retrospect than a simple hello. Or perhaps an avalanche of tears? The mess that I call my brain triggered the release of unspeakable memories that I hardly held in such regard until now. It was beautiful. To me. It was as if I was in a storm of dramatic proportions and I failed to see the consequential beauty that ensued from the aftermath that grounded us and challenged us to live anew, until now. Yup, that’s it.

With the aforementioned coupled with photo albums and an unexpected phone conversation, I could not help but feel twistedly confused. One side of me was proud. Proud to see the new direction, the enthusiasm, and unmatched understanding that the new leaders possess. Change has come and it’s not stopping here. But change holds the implication that there was something wrong, inevitably forcing my other side to feel, to be brutal, that I failed. Failure. Memories, as if catalogued, streamlined in reverse to when it started as I recounted every moment that attributed to that concept I refuse to accept in myself.

It’s that understanding that one has, but circumstances cannot help but have one feel otherwise. But regardless of how I feel, it’s not about me and it never was. And for that reason, I am more proud than anything that the future is bright. And it validates me, and I hope them as well, that I can still be there for them.

No other words can sum this up better than ‘I miss it’. That first person knows it best. I await my first return in 2 months.

MAGKASAMA!

I am both excited and terrified for it. And if you are intuitive, you would know why ;)

Approved =D

It feels like it has been forever, but finally I got approved by BofA for a home loan. We had to put 20% down because of the current state of the market to get approved, but with a low interest rate, low principal, and all the loan fees paid for by my company, I'm hoping this is going to be an amazing investment.

But that's all. I'm excited =D

No Better Than This

As I rest here immersed in what remotely resembles clouds in a hotel room, I cannot help but notice that while my head is propped up by a squeaky faux-leather headboard my mind is in a timeless space of lonely and momentary bliss. Nothing but the pure echoes of guitar strings and keyboard tapping vibrantly grace my damned deaf ears. "Don't go." But I can't. And for a moment. I'm gone. "You are mine." And words could not be more untrue, realizing my self-understood romantic loneliness. "I'll be okay." Words could not be more true, knowing that up to this complacent, though forgettable, moment that I have driven both with a premedidated aimlessness and directive purpose of which "I'm so proud." While I compose this haphazard blog entry, I've come to terms that I strive for perfection but thrive off of imperfection. Like the song.

More than fire, Plasma

I've been itching to completely run my mouth about my disappointment in California to pass a ban on gay marriage. But honestly, it isn't worth it.

What I've come to realize is that it's going to happen no matter what conservatives attempt to do. The reason being that the youth understands that equality should always trump religious or personal values. The people who don't understand are those who are incapable of accepting homosexuals as equal beings and who feel justified in saying that a religious doctrine has the authority to treat people differently. And just being honest, these people are slowly going to leave this world as the youth become the new leaders of this nation. The difference between Prop 22 in 2000 and Prop 8 in 2008 show that trend. In 8 years, the people in favor of a ban on gay marriage decreased from 61% to 52%. Not only that, but it shows that the 63% of the youth (18-30) disagree with this ban.

As much as I can want to be angry, I know I can be optimistic in knowing that equality will prevail. I don't just believe it, I know it. So let the conservatives celebrate this battle, but we will be the victors of this war.

Simplicity

That's So You
by the Rocket Summer

Its a beautiful day,
Now I'll be ok,
Now that you're not away.
Yesterday was a terrible day,
but now that you're here I'm ok.
Cause you don't know how much I,
I need you please dont go
You're so wonderful.
This I swear, this I know.

You, oh, you.
Every single thing you do.
I'm so proud of you.
What you do.
When you do the things you do.
They're so you.

So thanks, for your help.
You shine so bright.
You are the star that's in my sky.
And I am yours and you are mine.

Whoa, you, whoa you.
Every single thing you do.
I'm so proud of you.
What you do.
When you do the things you do.
They're so You.

And I'm so proud of you.
That's so you.

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I don’t know what about this song that just gets to me. But it does. Maybe its simplicity, staying above the water of convoluted and flowery lyrics. Maybe the emotion in his words that break free from the prison of rational thought. Maybe the chords that close my eyes and...




Edit: I think I'm a hopeless romantic who refuses to accept it.

Prop 8

This isn't any new writing of mine or a commentary on the recent election results. This was posted as a rebuttal to a friend's post which got deleted, so I wanted to post it here to keep it:

Issue: Teaching Children about Marriage
The definition of “equal opportunity” suggests that it does not favor any specific group. You say that gay marriage should not be taught as the same as a traditional marriage, especially to those who don’t believe that. Well, how about the years of oppressed homosexual students that had to live with the teachings that their lifestyle is inferior or not acceptable? They have had to live through this for CENTURIES. It is hypocritical to say that homosexuals must be taught that traditional marriage is the only way but heterosexuals cannot be taught that gay marriage is acceptable. This attitude is pure elitism.

Secondly, Prop 8 does not state AT ALL that it will teach gay marriage in schools, so this is a non-issue in talking about equal rights for all people. If people want to ensure that their children are taught what their parents want them to learn, this is a separate issue that should be dealt with the school system or on another initiative.

Issue: Marriage versus Domestic Partnerships
The fact of the matter is that civil unions and domestic partnerships do NOT offer the same federal and state benefits across the nation. Again, Prop 8 would perpetuate inequality, considering homosexuals inferior to obtaining the same benefits. With civil unions and domestic partnerships determined at the state level, they would never reach the same benefits that marriage receives since marriage is honored the same way everywhere no matter where you get married. The differences are briefly outlined here: http://lesbianlife.about.com/cs/wedding/a/unionvmarriage.htm

Issue: Equality
Equality does not imply “do whatever you want” but it is defined as the same treatment for each individual. It implies that everyone has the same opportunities. From all of the examples (bestiality, incest, murder), NO ONE is allowed to perform those acts. But under Prop 8, a certain group will be allowed to marry and another group will not. That is the exact definition of inequality. This attitude is exactly what has fueled racism and personal beliefs should never supersede equality, and these personal beliefs include religion.

Issue: Separation of Church and State
The fact that the religion has institutionalized marriage and making it a national standard has allowed the state to take ownership of the word and allowed it to define it for itself. There are state and federal benefits that come with marriage, making it a government property. For that reason, while religion can have free reign over how it wants to define marriage, the government should have the power to define marriages which are recognized by the state for itself. And the law should always be based on equality and equal opportunity, stomping on laws that perpetuate discrimination and oppression.

Issue: Happy Families and Divorce
The idea that a heterosexual family is the key to a happy family is a broad generalization. Studies show that children who grow up with a heterosexual family and homosexual family experience no changes in their development. The fact of the matter is that the prosperity of a family is determined by the child development skills of the parents. There are thousands of families in which a heterosexual people who have poorly raised a family due to their unpreparedness, weak parenting skills, among other characteristics. Heterosexuality is not the root of strong families, but competent parent(s) is/are.

While studies show divorce tends to affect children dramatically, divorce is a high statistic across the board and has little to do with sexuality but more to do with the institution of marriage and why it is failing. But the fact that divorce rates are high is not a strong enough justification for why no one should get married and it is even worse to that this is a reason to prevent a specific group from marrying. This would be along the same lines of saying, hypothetically, that Filipino-Americans should not marry because their divorce rates are higher and they don’t take marriage as seriously. Now that would be preposterous. Everyone should have the equal opportunity at an attempt to make marriage work no matter who they are.