Too many long posts

I'll just do a short one today.

While I respect and tolerate religion, I still don't understand how a concept considered divine in nature pushes for inequality, perpetuates ignorance, and breeds corruption.

To my surprise, I'm actually happy

Before coming up to the Bay, I was scared. Not necessarily of the transition away from what I knew but the transition into the abominable life of rigid structure and meaningless routine. I live for the spontaneous, and the opposite only cracks from the drought of feeling alive. Safe to say, my college life was unorganized, random, and at times irresponsible. The sunrise and I were best friends (alarm clock hated that). Class? Unheard of. Drank on occasion (okay, that’s a lie). Carl’s Jr. and L&L were my executive chefs. Definitely did things my parents would kill me over, which I am not proud of to this day. Essentially, I did what made me happy. And everything else, I did enough to get me by on my standards. And after all of that, I can say college was the best 5 years of my life thus far.

And now, that brings me here. In the Bay. My life day-to-day is the same. Aaron and I struggle to figure out what to do on the weekends. Loneliness prevails time and time again. Safe to say, work will never be like KP board, which is a bad thing for those who weren’t sure, haha. I will never come to terms with the near-Alaskan temperatures. Leisure time is a scarcity. Different, shall I say? But I’m happy.

I wake up at 5am, which makes both sunrise and alarm clock happy. No class, thank goodness, but my cubicle is great. Drink on occasion (and that’s the truth). Who’s my executive chef now? Check out brentoboxes.blogspot.com. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that means? I am a homeowner, what the hell. Mission: Get all my friends to the Bay, will be accomplished in 2 years, I promise! (Regardless, I still see them via webcam, AIM, and after drives through where the deer and antelope play) Heroes and Fringe keep me sane. Actually, Aaron and Larsen help the most in that department, but we’re on a mission to find new people via craigslist and match.com, lol.

Yeah, life will never be like how it was in college. It can’t be. But comparing what I love and hate about this life, the former still dominates. Though I always think about what life can be, I appreciate it for what it is in the moment and for the privilege of the life I hold in my hands. Things could be worse. But they aren’t. And for that, I couldn’t be happier.

Hand on top of other waving my thumbs...

There is something intriguing about awkwardness. In some ways, I consider it synonymous to unique. Many times, awkwardness comes from defying social convention (i.e. facing anything but forward in an elevator). But what I find most intriguing is how people respond to awkward situations or persons.

Sometimes life is so intrinsically guided by social convention that we are on some sort of auto-pilot. Our experiences and what is universally considered to be “normal” push us to instinctively act in a certain way. Some trivial examples can be when you meet people and you cordially greet one another and engage light conversation. We know how to greet people because we do it all the time in almost the same way time and time again. And we do this as if without thought. Like robots.

What I like about awkwardness is that it puts us on our toes. It makes us think, in general. Why was it awkward? What should I have said? Why didn’t I say nor do this? As if, at least to me, to make me actually care about some of the most mundane activities of life.

I have this newfound appreciation for awkwardness. While some people might feel embarrassed, I just look back and smile. There’s nothing to be ashamed of if I’m just being myself.

Finally, someone says it

Ignorant Republican Woman
“I can’t trust Obama. I have read about him, and he’s not…he’s an Arab.”

McCain
“No ma’am, he is not. Mr. Obama is a decent, family man, citizen, that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues.”

And then....

Statement by Colin Powell on NBC:
"I'm also troubled by, not what Senator McCain says, but what members of the party say, and it is permitted to be said. Such things as 'Well you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim.' Well the correct answer is 'He is not a Muslim, he's a Christian, he's always been a Christian.' But the really right answer is 'What if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country?' The answer is 'No. That's not America.' Is there something wrong with some 7-year old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she can be president? Yet I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion he's a Muslim and he might be associated with terrorists. This is not the way we should be doing it in America.

"I feel strongly about this particular point because of a picture I saw in a magazine. It was a photo-essay about troops who were serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. And one picture at the tail end of this photo essay was of a mother in Arlington Cemetery and she had her head on the headstone of her son's grave. And as the picture focused in you can see the writing on the headstone. And it gave his awards, Purple Heart, Bronze Star, showed that he died in Iraq, gave his date of birth, date of death. He was 20 years old. And then at the very top of the headstone, it didn't have a Christian cross, it didn't have a Star of David. It had a crescent and a star of the Islamic faith. And his name was Karim Rashad Sultan Khan. And he was an American, he was born in New Jersey, he was 14 at the time of 9/11 and he waited until he can go serve his country and he gave his life."

--------

I honestly do not know much about Colin Powell, but just from that statement I have begun to respect this man as a decent Republican that may have differences in opinion with Democrats but embraces the fundamental principles of this nation. Perhaps I’ll look more into what he has done and what he stands for, haha.

Anyway, I found it alarming that McCain followed up that woman’s statement with words that, while clarified Obama’s character, implied being Arab or Muslim would be grounds for being an indecent citizen of this nation. The right answer would be exactly what Colin Powell said: Why would it matter if he was an Arab or Muslim?

While race discussion has been downplayed throughout the election, I feel that people need to understand the detriment inflicted upon the Muslim community that has continued to prevail since 9/11 and even more so with charges against Obama on his connections to Muslims and terrorism. It is horrible that a community which has nothing to do with the Democratic nominee for the Presidency has been used as a means to bring him down based on his name and his supposed ties to terrorists. Politics will never waver from its deeply embedded corruption.

Decision '08

I don’t think I have ever talked about the presidential race in my blog. I guess I’ll do that today.

This 2008 race has been spectacular to follow-up from all the ups and downs, surprising developments, media commentary, and such. But I must say it has rendered many doubts in me about the political system and the candidates themselves. Growing up, I have always leaned liberal and progressive and for that reason I am a registered Democrat. It aligns with most of my beliefs and values. However, coming to this point in the election, I am not confidently backing Barack Obama for president. What I mean by that is that I am going to vote for him, there is no doubt about it, but I still fear how he will fare as the President of the United States of America. His policies, though both ambitious and promising, seem financial taxing on the already rundown economy. This goes for both candidates when I say this, it is obvious that politicians just spit out what will initially ease the people’s fears until they get into office. Once they get into the oval office, that is when they will start being practical and speak the real deal. What I want to hear are their priorities and what sacrifices they have to make in order to execute their top priorities. I want to know which people they truly stand for and not just those from whom they want to collect votes. For Obama, I truly believe that he stands for what I want in the President: equality and equal opportunity, middle- and working-class, minorities, youth and education. But his policies worry me. For example, with his health care proposal he expects to make up for the excess costs of granting universal health care by transforming the hospital paper system into an electronic one, which sounds absurd to me. Not only do I think that he won’t be able to cover the excess costs, it also does not address the problem of skyrocketing premiums. Albeit, McCain’s proposal is far worse, I just hope that Obama can refine his proposal. I remember someone saying this in an email, but I hope it is not true, “It’s like we’re voting for the lesser evil.”

What I do think is stupid about the campaign is this guilty by association. There is no true substance to this argument. It is as if McCain has nothing to back up his own character and policies that the only way he thinks he can win is if he lashes at Obama’s past associations and somehow prove that he is a terrorist. And to hear what people have the nerve to shout out at his rallies is absolutely frightening. They are instances like these that make me scared to actually meet an extreme conservative or even think of living in Middle America.

I think I still stand by the belief that Hillary Clinton would have been the better Democratic nominee, but I definitely won’t go as far to say that McCain should win. I just hope that Obama can put truth to his words and execute his policies by continually standing by his principles and beliefs. Well, let’s get him elected first and then we can put our faith in him.


Reminder: Deadline to register is October 20. Please don’t get lazy or forget. Your vote might be more important than you know.

My Inbox

If you remember my post about my Gmail inbox a while back, you would know that my incoming mail just hasn't been the same since I graduated.

As of 10 minutes ago, I think I just received the best email I've ever read. And now I can't stop shaking. Thank you, ading. I love you.

In any order, please

I’ve been wanting to blog about this for a while:


One night, the night before my 1st day of work, I went into Aaron’s room and eventually we got into this conversation about what will makes us happy, specifically relationship and career-wise.

I have come to the belief that I need change. I thrive off of a dynamic world that never ceases to progress and evolve. Stability leads to complacency, a place defined by comfort, static being, and unchallenging feats. That leads me to think that maybe there is no room for static concepts, such as work and marriage. You know, it always seems to be the common ideal that we all get married and work in a stable job that we can retire from in 30-some years. No one likes getting a divorce 3 times over or getting laid off or being single ‘til you are 65 or not having children. They all carry that negative connotation that makes us cringe at the thought of those things actually happening to us. But what if those things weren’t bad? What if we were happy that those actually happened?

I was telling Aaron, “What if I married someone different every 5 years?” And then I was just telling Marleina, “I think it would be awesome if I could just be an engineering manager, graphic designer, lawyer, and teacher as a careers all throughout my life.” I genuinely want to be all 5 of those sometime in my life, but the way this world is structured it doesn’t help to make it realistically possible to accomplish that.

What I think is awkward of this society is that it is unbelievably dynamic though it has static of stable ideals. And I understand why that is so. There is more structure, commitment, organization, and generally it benefits everyone.

But the worse part about it is it imprisons those who want to be liberated and truly make what they want in life happen. The way of life is infancy, education for what seems like eternity, career, relationships that lead to marriage, families, retirement into ultimate complacency, and death. With exception of infancy and death, what if we wanted to rearrange it or even completely do away with it in a way that wasn’t detrimental to our well-being?

I’m beginning to think I can.

Nostalgia

Yesterday, Aaron asked me, "Do you think nostalgia is bad?" I paused for a moment and said, "No, as long as you don't dwell on it."

It was a simple question, yet it struck a loud chord in me. I started to think, "We'll, if you are never nostalgic, is that bad?"

And then a little after, I had a conversation with Michael about how he intensely missed everything after he went to a Kaba GBM and then said, "I can't imagine how you must be feeling."

I didn't deny that I do miss the people, but I don't catch myself thinking about that very often or having the urge to go back on the weekends. What does that mean, if anything at all?

On occasion, there will be Eli on GChat talking about his woes with the non-college life, recounting the spontaneous days and nights of Sean Taylor.

I wonder, why I am not more reminiscent of a period which I have deemed the best years of my life?




I have come to value emotions more than I have in the past. I’ve been conditioned to override emotion for the sake of what might considered to be the right way to act or react. I have built myself up to critically figure out what I should do and forgetting what I want to do. And most of the times, it comes subconsciously. It is those moments like the ones above that stop me in my tracks and I think, what do I really want and what do I really care about?

Singing (actually, Karoake)

There is something about karaoke that strikes me as simply amazing. I said I like karaoke better because the connotation of it implies over-the-top, theatrical, and letting go. I feel so alive when I karaoke. Especially when I'm in my car. I love the drive in the morning to work because I can just belt out at the top of my lungs for a good 30 minutes of Journey or Maroon 5 or whatever it may be that day. Best way to get the day started.

Contemplative Shower

It has been two weeks and we still don't have internet tomorrow. Crossing fingers, I hope there are no complications tomorrow and we finally get internet. We'll see.

Anyway, because I still don't have internet at home, I have to creatively find ways to entertain myself. I was on my desktop computer and I came across my AIM logs from years ago. What first caught my eye was the fact that there are all these people who logged onto their screennames on my computer and their conversations are logged. These conversations are from 2-3 years ago, but how evil it would still be to tap into their privacy and read up on these conversations, especially between specific people, muahahaha. But I don't think I will out of sheer respect for them. But I guess into the rare circumstance, I have blackmail material (haha I'm just kidding).

What probably hit me the most were conversations with people, I guess you can say, who I've lost contact with over the years. Two in particular. It tore me apart. I feel like I lost some of the most real and intriguing friends I've ever met. You know, I will always meet new people and new friends all over the place. There are those friends who you can meet anywhere. And there are those who you know you will never find someone like them. They are the latter. All I want to tell them is I miss them.

Cubed

The engineering life, ah. Interesting how a great adjective to describe my engineering job right now is also a mathematical term.

Someone pressed my button today (actually, more like stepped on it). But it was more of a build up of multiple people stating something similar, so maybe it wasn't right to chew them out for it. But then here you see me, blogging to rant to myself without ever really addressing people about how I feel. I always hate that sometimes I cower away from confrontation in these instances. Oh well, I guess that is something I need to work on.

Anyway, someone pretty much discredited my work with Northrop Grumman because I'm working submarine missile launching (and if this person is reading, I hope you don't take this as an attack on you; it is more of a way to address my philosophy). Okay, I'll take that to some degree. I did say before I graduated that I did not want to work for defense because I thought it would conflict with my values. So maybe you can call me a hypocrite or sell-out. I mean, I guess I did not have the confidence in my resume that I could get a job anywhere I wanted. I applied where I could with motivation from a friend who works for Northrop Grumman and I got the job.

So what’s the big deal? I’ve been in community and progressive work all of college, right? Much of that community almost despises the military. And if you ask any of them, it’s because they don’t believe in violence as methods for conflict resolution and peace. That’s a legit argument. But does that mean the military should not exist? Should we never develop weapons of destruction because we should only function on non-violent confrontation?

This is how I see it. The military is necessary for the superpower nation that we are in the world because truthfully most of the world is hostile to the United States. And it’s crazy that we put billions of dollars in the weapons research and technology but I see it as the only way to remain seen as a formidable country. I work in defense and that works primarily on displaying the fact that we have the technology to worthily protect this country as opposed to actually dropping bombs and firing missiles, if that makes sense. I believe defense serves more of the function to scare our enemies as opposed to pushing the offense. Take, for example, robbery. A burglar is less likely to rob the house with a “Brinks Home Security” post than the house next door without any hint of a home security system. And then 20 years later, the burglar sees the same sign with 20-year aging all over the sign, he just might have the technology to bypass the obsolete system because the homeowner was too lazy to upgrade.

So have my values changed? No, I’m still the same guy who supports non-violent confrontational efforts. But companies such as NG are essential to the well-being of this country that we care so much about. The truth is that working for NG has opened my mind about the military and has allowed me to respect the people, even more, who serve our country in the forces. True, NG develops the weapons but it’s the government who drops the bombs. And segueing into the election, I say if you are reading my note and you care enough about these issues, you better be registered for November 4 (the deadline is October 20) and take your stand. That’s another note which will come later.