KP Families

DISCLAIMER: I know this might be controversial and I am dreading the aftermath, but I feel that I need to put this out. Please understand that I only have good intentions and I am not out to offend or attack anyone. Also, this is by no means a way to overstep the current authority but a mere expression of my feelings in regards to the title issue. I hope to only to inspire dialogue and move this community forward.

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Many of my adings in KP have indirectly and directly taken flack for their participation in this competitive and exclusive concept called families. But if anyone should take flack for that in my family, that is me and that is why I am writing this. And while I am no longer in position of influence (i.e. board), I feel it is in my power to offer my perspective being the “co-founder” of one of the largest families in KP today and discuss where I want to see my family to go from here.

First of all, where do I stand? I will forever stand against exclusivity. Period. One of my biggest strifes with KP is the idea of cool versus uncool, extroverted versus introverted, in versus out. For example, why does it matter which ading you get in the KP STAR program? How dare someone not reach out to their ading on the grounds that they don’t seem cool enough or they don’t seem to be the perfect match. No one should have the authority to judge who should be in or out of KP.

But you might say, well you created a family which is inherently exclusive. Let me give you some background then. When I came into KP, there was one undeniably visible family and I hated it because it made me feel uncool. Funny, the person who has one of the biggest families used to hate families when he came in. Anyway, when I got my first adings. It was me, Carlo, Gian Carlo, Elgene, and Aubrey. We didn’t have a name but Carlo and I made it an effort to make sure we hung out with them and made them feel comfortable in KP. Next thing you know, we all get a new group of adings and it felt like a lot: 11. And being on board it was hard to hang out with all of them, so we regularly had family hangouts so that I could keep in touch with them as well as a way for the new kuyas and ates to maintain their bonds. Next thing I know, there are 38. What originally was a method of convenient outreaching to all the new people became what is now being considered an exclusive group of people.

I guess you can say it was not my intention to construct exclusivity but rather community. But what’s ironic is that this concept of families does exactly both: exclusivity and community. And as aforementioned, I will not stand for exclusivity. Therefore, I do not support the continued sense of families as they have been conditioned to be today. While I believe that families help build community, there is a multitude of ways of doing so and it will only require creativity.

As I have argued above, others will reiterate the same argument that families have fostered many more relationships outside of the single kuya-ading or ate-ading pair. But we can argue that there are many people who never even got the chance to form a single relationship for their feeling of being an outsider. I’ll admit that I outreached more extensively to my adings because they had the title. But if we continue to have this mentality that members of KP need a title for kuyas and ates to outreach to them, then our outreach to these adings are more selfish than anything as it addresses who we choose to befriend rather than the bigger picture of fostering a community that is welcoming and inclusive to all individuals, regardless of background or identity.

However, I do believe that it is natural that adings will call whoever they want kuya and ate, as vice versa. Moreover, I feel it is natural for people to honor lineage (the concept of grandkuya, grandate, and grandading and so forth). For that reason, I see that it would be impossible to purge the concept of families. What we can control, however, is the visibility of families, the coordination of exclusive family events, family gift giving, family pictures at events, among other things. And this is what I have proposed to my own family, as this was the pertinent issue at the dinner table of the last family outing. We all have come to the agreement that we do not favor exclusivity and that we must be wary of how our actions affect others in the community.

I don’t believe disbanding of families is the solution, at least not right now. What I do believe in is education and understanding. We must remember where everything started, and that is with purpose. We must constantly question whether we are fulfilling the purpose of the programs and communities we are serving and adjust accordingly when we run off course. And this starts with those who have been here, the kuyas and ates. Constructive dialogue will only move us forward. I have done what I believe is the best direction for my family, and I hope other kuyas and ates can follow their beliefs and do what they see is aligned with the purpose of KP STAR and KP as a whole.

Lastly, I urge people to stop pointing fingers at people but rather at issues. It hurts me to see that a select few people in my family are suffering the persecution of an issue that was not in their full control. On top of that, I do not believe anyone else in other families should suffer the same persecution. There is no one person who is solely responsible for the family issue; rather it is the reinforcement of ideals over the last 5 years on behalf of a multitude of people. I acknowledge that this is, and will always be, a personal issue but I hope that we can look at where the issues can be addressed and move forward together.