I’ll Be Alright Without You

How fitting that this song, which started to play as I started to blog, so uncannily relates to what I want to write about.

Anyway, it all started with a simple pop up box at work. Oh, the ways technology seems to be dominating our lives. One of my dearest friends began with what seemed more like an avalanche of reminiscence in retrospect than a simple hello. Or perhaps an avalanche of tears? The mess that I call my brain triggered the release of unspeakable memories that I hardly held in such regard until now. It was beautiful. To me. It was as if I was in a storm of dramatic proportions and I failed to see the consequential beauty that ensued from the aftermath that grounded us and challenged us to live anew, until now. Yup, that’s it.

With the aforementioned coupled with photo albums and an unexpected phone conversation, I could not help but feel twistedly confused. One side of me was proud. Proud to see the new direction, the enthusiasm, and unmatched understanding that the new leaders possess. Change has come and it’s not stopping here. But change holds the implication that there was something wrong, inevitably forcing my other side to feel, to be brutal, that I failed. Failure. Memories, as if catalogued, streamlined in reverse to when it started as I recounted every moment that attributed to that concept I refuse to accept in myself.

It’s that understanding that one has, but circumstances cannot help but have one feel otherwise. But regardless of how I feel, it’s not about me and it never was. And for that reason, I am more proud than anything that the future is bright. And it validates me, and I hope them as well, that I can still be there for them.

No other words can sum this up better than ‘I miss it’. That first person knows it best. I await my first return in 2 months.